In a fiction worthy wind

Do you ever feel like your world is falling apart? I feel like that so much right now! I'm depressed and I can't stop thinking about everything that's making me sad. I wish I could just rise up, but I'm really having issues with that right now. I just wish I could get pointed in the right direction and just stay there. Unfortunately I'm screwed like always...I need to figure out how to get of this funk...hard core style!

Have you ever?

So have you ever meet someone you think could be your other half? I never thought I had an other half until last Sunday. Last Sunday was the biggest clusterfuck EVER!

It all started when a friend asked me to go to a Metallica concert with him in Columbus. Being that I've never seen Metallica live, I was totally down. So I get ready or whatever and get in the car and we head off to the good ol' C-Bus. We get there a few hours early, because we had floor seats and the floor was open and my friend had to be in front. So we get there, grab a beer and get to the stage. We end up moving to another side where we meet two guys. One of them is a diehard Metallica fan from Atlanta and the other is his friend from Columbus. So we all talk and start having a good time. So my friend and the Metallica fan are talking some pretty hard core Metallica stuff, so the other guy and I start talking.

We decide to grab some more beers and then talk some sports. We grab some more beers and then the first act comes on. So they're rocking out or whatever . Then we get some more beer while the second act is on. By this time, die ahrd Metallica fan guy is done in drinking, and my friend has left me to go stand in front, which as fine, I knew that was gonna happen. So I start taking care of Metallica fan, because he can't even stand up at this point. So I'm holding him up so he can watch Metallica, and have a cup in my hand as a stand by for puking. Finally he sobers up enough, I can let him go.

So his friend and I start dancing and stuff and having a good time. More good times were had, until there was a kiss. The kiss was good. Like really good. Like electric good. So I was all kinds of happy until the concert ended, and I find out the friend is actually married. That was irony at it's finest, folks.

Like this guy and I flirted all night. He talked about how cool I was and how I was as cute as a button. He was even impressed with my drinking skills. This guy was marine, so you know he knows how to drink! So seriously this guy felt like my other half. Like we were finishing each others jokes and laughing and just having a good time. Like seriously, I don't even care that he was married. I didn't know at the time. I didn't do anything wrong. I just wish he wasn't married...there was some serious potential there!

And there was this whole other thing going on too with the guy I came with. It makes me wonder why we never...I don't know. I mean he's cool as hell. So who knows, maybe that's...I don't know. Whatever I guess. Bottom line: this girl is mass confused!

It's Time

It's time to be over all this. It makes me sad, becuase sometimes I think I'm actually getting somewhere and then, I get lied to. I need to stop and regroup. What am I talking about? Dating. It's not something I'm good at and I never quite win, or come close for that matter. It's just been a long road of mistake after mistake, and I need to be done.

I"m just afraid of being done. I know that down the line I actually do want to be with someone, but I'm convinced that there's not really anyone out there for me. I'm not quite like other girls in many ways, and I'm not what most guys want, I guess. And I suppose that's fine because I surely don't want to change who I am just for someone else. The whole point is finding someone who loves you for exaclty what you are. And that's great that most people find that, but unfortunately I'm not one of them.

I guess I just hoped I'd find that person who gets me. I mean all my friends seem to get me, but guys...? They look at me weird when I tell a joke or have a funny story to tell. Not to mention I don't always wear dressy clothes and do my hair. Not that I think that would make a difference. I like to be comfortable...so what?

So I guess this is me conceding finally. I guess if I conceded earlier I wouldn't be in the place I'm in. People that say that each mistake is a learning process, screw you. The only thing I've learned is there's me myself and I. I guess maybe that was the lesson...maybe I'm supposed to figure out that I will be alone forever. Point taken.

Let it rock

This is me posting instead of working on a paper. Go me.

I need to change things, but I kind of don't want to even though in the long run the changes would be better for me. Le sigh.

I know a few things I will change and that will make me a little happier.

Obama won the presidency! That makes me really happy. I shook hands with a president! And I witnessed something very historical. I really feel like Obama cares and will try his damnedest to make a difference. Spell check needs to stop correcting "Obama" he's the president, after all!

Nerdiness at it's finest!

Halloween has came and went...yet it's still hot as hell outside. Am I complaining? A little. I was finally getting acclamated to the cold weather and then the sun is like, "Hmm...I like sending out burning rays of cancerous warmth" and then procedes to make it hot....in NOVEMBER. Whatever.

So Barack Obama spoke on campus last night. I wasn't planning on going. I wanted to stay home and do homework, but I was like this really is a unique opportunity. He could be president in a matter of two days. So I called a friend and we decided to go. I left my apartment around five, which put me in line at 5:30ish. By then the line was all the way back on Sigma Sigma Commons, so I wasn't even sure I'd get in. It was funny though, I ended up running into my neighbors from my parents' house in Hebron while in line.

After waiting in line for a good hour, I find out another friend of mine is a lot closer in the line, and he has some special tickets. He invites me and my friend to join him, which we do. So we stand in line for another two hours or so and wait. Slowly, we finally get to the front of the line. A guy then asks us if we want to sit behind Obama and we were like hell yeah. So we get led down to this special seating, where I watch Obama speak. Afterwards I shake his hand and he looks me in the eye and says, "thank you" Now I know it's super cheesy to make a big deal of this, but that was one the coolest things that I've ever gotten to do.