I know how the story goes. I know how it will end. It won't end the way I want it to because it never does. So is it worth fighting for? That's the million dollar question. I've grown epically over the past year. I've lost myself under this bitter, bitchy person. I need to learn to adjust myself. But every time I am me, I get burned hard core style. Hence the bitter and bitchy front. I've learned a lot about myself through all this crap. I guess I've brought most of it on. I can't complain too much, because I've come out stronger in some respects.

It sucks. I think I might be on to something but I'm not sure what. I'm probably playing the fool again. I'm a pro at that role. So the question becomes should I play ignorant to what's going to happen and allow myself to lose myself in this for a little bit? I can't shield myself forever, but I can't keep up this cycle. I can tell you why it's a good thing until I'm blue in the face, but it's all things I've said before and I've failed every single time. It's hard to not think it's your own fault after a while. Its easy to think you don't deserve happiness, which is where I'm at.

I have this huge conflict with life right now. I'm a huge believer in karma. I always thought if I was a good person good things would happen. I've watched pepple all around me do bad things and they're all in a better place than me. I have to wonder about that. Is it fair? No. Life's not fair, though. I learned that pretty early on. I just wonder if the good people ever catch a break. They deserve one. There are so few genuinely nice people in the world.

Another issue I have is how much people judge me. I'm judged because I'm not religious. I'm judged because I've never met my father. I'm judged because I wear my hair in a pony tail and choose chucks over Uggs. Whatever. It's so cliche but you don't know me and you don't know my life. I don't ask for pity, we all go through things. Just respect me and the fact that I'm trying to better myself. I try to be a good person and make good decisions. I mean I'm human andtrust me I've made a lot of mistakes, but I've picked myself up and am here saying don't judge me.

But back to the original post theme, I'm thinking I'm probably out to get screwed again, but this time it will actually be pretty hard core. Yet I'm entranced enough to not be able to walk away. I'm probably making to big of a thing about this, but I know how it goes.

I feel like there's potential here...definite potential. I'll open myself up and just get screwed in the end. That's a choice I'm going to be making. Again, I hate the internet...it will ruin all relationships....